Bridge the virtual gap in real time to make a good marriage
My nephew Sheel and his wife Priya found each other via the worldwideweb 2 years ago and got married within 6 months after their first virtual meeting. My friend Meena too met her match 6 years in an online chat room that she frequented; she has been married for over 5 years now. Nilesh and Radha, both of whom are Indians living in Australia, found their respective partners in Mumbai and Chennai through dilmilgaya.com a few years ago.
Finding a life partner through the net is not a rare occurrence as youngsters increasingly spend more time online than ever before. More marriages are made in virtual space rather than heaven, but for them to last to a ‘till death do us part’, living mostly in virtual space isn’t exactly the answer. Marriage is about sharing and caring in real-time physical spaces.
And despite the vows made at the wedding ceremony by the starry-eyed couple, more marriages are breaking up and do not survive beyond the first 2 years.
Why is it that marriages do not last? Have tolerance levels have gone down? Is greater equality for women the reason? Have expectations regarding marriage and spouses gone up? Or is it that the sense of reality has been warped by the virtual world?
I believe it is a bit of all these reasons. Youngsters getting married do so without really knowing what they are getting themselves into, what is marriage all about, and what it means.
I would recommend that the couple sit down for a serious expectation-setting session before they actually decide to get married – more marriages may be saved by just this one initiative.
A few things that should be clear is what they want of each other – apart from living with each other and sharing most of their time with one another.
1. Where will they live – is the future ‘home’ acceptable to both?
2. How will their finances be managed – will they both work; will they have separate accounts; will their inheritance and assets be equally divided? Will their businesses have a change of management, or trusteeship, or otherwise?
3. What is expected from each one with respect to their in-laws – what could be termed ‘due respect’ and how much is expected
4. What religion will be practiced, will each have the freedom to practice what they like?
5. Are children in the scheme of things, and if when and how many?
Answers to these questions would help you get to know your partner better; they will give you a clearer idea of the long-term alliance you are committing to.
I do hope you have a good marriage – you have to make it one!
All the very best!
Article courtesy www.dilmilgaya.com
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